I wake up in a cold sweat, remnants of my nightmare flash before my eyes. I see lights, blank faces, glass shattering and then just darkness. As I rise from the bed the sweat soaked sheets cling to my back. I feel an immense sort of pressure booming in my head. It hurts so much I need to lie back down again and I must have bitten my tongue because I can taste blood. I just lie there waiting for the pain to subside.

I once again rise from the bed and slowly I try to stand. The booming in my head is still there but I force myself to walk to the bathroom. I flip the light switch and the light illuminates the tiny bathroom. As I look through the window I notice it's still dark outside. It must be pretty early, seeing as it's summer and the sun rises around 6 AM.

I turn on the cold water in the shower, I pull of the boxer short I'm wearing and the tank top  and step into the shower. The water is freezing cold but I can't seem to make myself care. I just stand there for ten minutes, just staring at the tile in front of me but not really noticing it. My head is still pounding. With effort I raise my hand to the back of my head to check for a bump or gash. Nothing. I lower my hand to the tap again and turn off the water. A painful shiver works its way up my spine and the pounding in my head is back in full force.

I slip on the wet bathroom floor and fall. I hurt everywhere but I don't want to move. Maybe if I close my eyes everything will be normal again, I close my eyes. After a minute I open my eyes again, I'm still laying on the wet floor in the poorly lit bathroom. I push myself up from the floor, holding onto the sink.

I catch my reflection in the mirror, wet dark blond hair frames my pale face, eyes rimmed red and puffy, a gash decorates my forehead. Everything comes rushing back. Getting hit by a car, everybody just staring at me. Dragging myself onto the curb and the car driving off into the night, nobody even tried to help me. I lay unconscious for awhile but when I woke I practically crawled back to the shithole I call my apartment. I feel dizzy, I look down my body. It's filled with black and blue bruises and cuts. I look at the white tank top on the bathroom floor, it's stained with blood. I feel the blood trickling out of the cuts, dripping onto the floor and my feet. It gets harder to stand and I let myself fall to the floor. I guess it wasn't a nightmare.

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    exhausted exhausted
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Step By Step

Step by step
Careful not to slip and fall into the endless darkness
You feel like you're walking on a rope
Your body trembles from the effort of staying on the right path
The effort of taking the path everyone else wants you to take

Your legs give out from under you
You don't even try to keep up right

You fall

You can't be like everyone wants you to be
You want to be yourself
But the darkness is closing in
And then just when you think it's all over

A lightness
A  sense of joy envelopes you
Your feet touch solid ground
It feels welcoming and firm underneath you feet
Walking isn't painful now
This path isn't difficult  
It flows
It's exhilarating
It's what you've always wanted
Taking matters into your own hands
A life of your own

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    Linkin Park
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